


Kvatch

by Miss221b



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), star trek movie - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Hurt Jim, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining Bones, also poor bones, like seriously, mckirk - Freeform, poor jim im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-20
Packaged: 2018-09-10 14:30:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8920687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss221b/pseuds/Miss221b
Summary: Leonard can see Jim’s eyes now, the vessels broken all throughout them and the fact that they can’t settle on him, don’t stop like Jim can actually see him hit his already broken heart. His hands are on Jim’s shoulders, and he’s holding Jim by his muscles and tendons like it didn’t matter that he’s never going to be able to wash this out, like it isn’t stained into his hands and his memory, like his hands aren’t loosing grip because of the blood welling up around them and he doesn’t know what to do.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This starts off kinda light but don't let me fool you here I am my own worst nightmare and this is awful. I'm sorry.
> 
> There will be another chapter! I just don't know how to change it in the tags so 1/1 is a lie.

They had been on the damn planet for only thirty eight minutes (give or take 30 seconds) before all hell broke loose. Starfleet had sent several of their best ships to investigate the planet and locate the rebel camp they “knew” was located somewhere on it. Kvatch was a terribly small planet, barely worthy of the title, and covered in very inhospitable jungle. Of course, when divvying out the old structures and few habitable areas on the planet with the other captains, Jim had opted for the old, decrepit base. The base that was mostly underground.

Honestly, the majority of those thirty eight minutes had been their party navigating the old stair systems. If you had asked anyone else in the party, they would have told you that Jim and Leonard were orbiting around each other the whole time, watching subtly and not so subtly for disaster on either’s part. Of course, if you asked Bones, he would just tell you that it was in no way shape or form impractical of him to fully and entirely believe Jim was going to fall off the very broken stairs, thank you very much. It would certainly not be the first time he had pulled that trick. Still, they made it to the basement without any death threat’s from the doctor’s part or actual death’s from the captains. There were plenty of not-undignified-eye-rolls-but-definitely-sass-eyes from a certain Vulcan, though.

Jim, as usual, took the lead through the narrow passages, Spock following close behind. Leonard kept his eyes trained on his yellow shirt, trying not to think about the walls around them. The base was older than any of them, and had been abandoned long ago. It was painfully obvious from the cracks in the thin metal walls, and the unfortunate abundance of jungle flora growing through them. Despite being considerably underground, the old facility still felt like it was directly under the system’s sun, and the humidity made the doctor want to gag. Right, not thinking about it.

He wondered absentmindedly what the various other crews were finding, and his fingers brushed against the communicator on his belt. Strangely silent. Maybe that meant something good. Or maybe it meant they were so far down, buried under mud and layers of ferns that nobody could reach them. _Not thinking about it_.

They stopped periodically in the halls, milling over old papers (actual papers) still sticking to the walls or the rusted metal furniture. It was all Starfleet docs though, nothing new from the rebels. No malevolent plans spray-painted on walls for them to find, or chalkboards rolling through hallways with evil formulas. Not for the first time, Leonard started to think the mission was a bust. They had not been presented with any actual evidence to believe the rebel force was located here, and none was making itself evident. His eyes floated back to Jim, so sure even in the face of absolute confusion. He walked as if he knew exactly where he was going, as if these halls were no different than the ones in their dorm buildings. Jim lived his life as if he had already seen it from beginning to end. Sometimes Leonard is afraid that Jim thinks he has, that he’s destined to end up like the last Captain Kirk.

Bones thought he was the only person in the whole damn universe of theirs who saw straight through the kid’s act. Maybe he was the only one Jim let see through it. Bones liked to think he was just special like that, like Jim would give that entire piece of himself over to the doctor. Like the captain of Starfleet’s flagship, no, scratch that, like Leonard’s best damn friend would come to him for life-saving affirmation… for something akin to love. His stomach lurched as he let himself think about it, and he shut down the path of thought before it could sweep him away. He was pretty good at shutting it down at this point.

 _Jim gets drunk, Jim gets sad and stupid and says things he would never say if he wasn’t poisoning himself with hard liquor_. It’s a pretty good mantra, he thinks. It usually does the trick.

The foreboding metal door coming up in front of them helps clear his mind too. Jim glances back at him (and Spock and Sulu and the ensigns behind them, _not special_ ), all of their grips tightening on their phasors as he pushes on the door.

It opens with a terrific noise, definitely alerting anything on the entire damn planet that they were there. He grits his teeth and lets out a sigh that sounds almost silent in comparison. This time Jim does look back right at him, that little half smile on his face and a shrug on his shoulders before walking straight in.

It looks like an old lab, and it’s much better preserved than the previous halls. The equipment looks vaguely recognizable, despite its age. Numbers are written all over the walls, spilling off of the paper littering the counters and floors.

“Huh,” Jim says out loud, abandoning any pretense of quiet and asking, “What is all of it?”

He is looking back at Leonard and Spock and _godamn it Jim_ it’s not like they haven’t already had this conversation a hundred times. Spock doesn’t even bother to answer. He drifts thoughtfully towards one corner and leaves Bones to pick up the fight.

            “Actually Captain, this looks to be a facility for genetic engineering, and guessing by the trademark equipment and chemical patterns, I would say it specialized in the North American Possum,” he responds brightly. He can practically feel the willpower it takes Spock not to turn around and denounce everything Leonard just said. Jim, however, apparently cannot and stares at Bones in _awe_ and okay maybe there’s more than one reason why Bones likes to pull this shit on him. And honestly, Jim should have figured out long ago that their blue shirts did not mean an automatic translation for _every damn number and formula ever_. (And also honestly, everything that they _were_ actually able to translate, Jim was too. The kid was a damn genius).

            “Really? That’s actually incredible Bones. Do you know what’s also incredible? The common misbelief that possums live in North America when in fact they live in Australia, while the opossum lives in North America.”

            Yep. There it is.

            _He’s catching on_ , Bones thinks proudly.

            Jim smirks at him before turning to stroll down the aisles. Maybe swagger was a better word. Either way, Leonard had to turn away. He begins in the opposite direction, sifting through papers he does not recognize and names he does not know. The rest of the team files in accordingly, eyes looking for anything rebel-related. This is, of course, a very loose term.

            _Damn Starfleet_ , Leonard thinks, not for the first time that day.

            “Doctor,” Spock beckons him from across the room, breaking the silence. Leonard meanders over, totally not at the hobgoblin’s beck and call but also extremely interested in what said hobgoblin had in his hands. His eyes just begin to settle on the very _un_ faded ink when the facility begins to tremor.

            Every pair of eyes raise and lock – but one. They should have seen this coming, really. It’s not like any of them are new to the whole “ground mission with captain dumbass.” Leonard grits his teeth, a blend of irritation and worry that Jim claim’s he’s patented. His gaze lands on the small, now open door none of them had noticed before. The door conveniently located in the same corner their captain had been in only moments before. He realizes very suddenly the teeth grinding thing is a lot harder when you aren’t breathing. And when the whole room is shaking like it is the epicenter of an earthquake and _oh yeah_ they’re underground. So that’s a valid option.

            “Captain,” Spock shouts out beside him, trying and failing to be heard over the rattling. They move swiftly towards the door, and Leonard cannot help but notice the rest of the crew subconsciously moving backwards towards the hall they came from. Probably a good idea.

            “ _JIM_ ,” he tries, looking down the new hall. It’s pitch black for a moment, and their lights can’t reach that far back.

            _How the hell did he manage to wander so far down there without any of us noticing_ , he muses, and he would be impressed and amused by his friend’s ability to get so lost in his job if he hadn’t just gotten lost in a probably self-imploding bucket from hell. _Every damn time_.

            By the time he finishes another monologue of hate (and worry worry worry) towards Jim, the narrow hall has grown…lighter. Redder. And then much, much, much lighter with the exception of a Jim shaped blotch in the middle, growing larger as it bolted towards them. It all came very swiftly after that.

            “ _RUN RUN RUN,”_ Jim screamed, indicated wildly behind them. Of course, neither Spock nor he were going to run anywhere until Jim was by their side, clutching their arms wildly as he ran past. Glaring into the fireball heading their way, Leonard did not need to be told twice.

Nor did he need to look to long at the papers stuck haphazardly but purposely into Jim’s uniform to know that the rebels were indeed there, at least at some point. He doubted they would blow up their current home of operations.

He could see the rest of the team running ahead of them, and feel Jim’s steady hand on his back, pushing him to go always faster. Leonard could feel his breath starting to stick in his throat as the hall seemed to linger forever. The rising temperature didn’t help either, though he choose not to think of the reason for that. Or to look back. He didn’t need to see Jim illuminated by a ball of fire to know how damn hot he was… and it was thoughts like that that were going to get Leonard killed. A pipe burst ahead of them as the metal started to cripple under the heat. His feet started to move faster, if that was even possible, and his hand clutched Jim’s tighter by his side.

Wait, when had that happened?

He didn’t have much time to think about it before the narrow walls grew brighter in front of them. He could only hope there wasn’t another ball of flaming death coming from the other direction. They grew closer, and Jim pushed harder, and suddenly there were hands coming from above, pulling him onto the stairs, hauling he and Jim up up up. They were climbing then, and Jim was still right behind him. He had never let go. The whole team had linked hands at some point, everyone pulling and pushing as they darted up the stairs, unable to use the level of caution they had before. Spock’s hand was iron-clad around Leonard’s wrist. For once in his life, he was grateful to be so close with the Vulcan; his heart was pounding and he didn’t think he could keep up with the fast paced climbing much longer. He stumbled, ever so slightly, and two sets of arms grabbed them, hoisted him up into the sun.

They still weren’t stopping; the team dived off in any direction, away from the hatch door in the ground. They hit the ground hard, Leonard on the bottom and Jim on the top, definitely trying to shield him. He needed only the one moment they had to shift slightly and pull Kirk under him. The explosion caught up to them finally, the fire rushing through the hole furiously, reaching out for them. He tucked his face into Jim’s neck, his hold tightening on the struggling man under him. He knew Jim was yelling at him, could feel his chest trembling, but the planet was roaring around them much louder. The heat hit them, scorching and relentless. The ground beneath them continued to tremble, and for a moment he was sure the tunnels were going to collapse under them, and they would fall into the burning planet. He concentrated on Jim’s breath against his ear instead of thinking about it.

Leonard let his world shrink to the man underneath him, the sound of his ragged breathing and the feeling of his hot skin against Leonard’s. His hands stilled against the frayed yellow fabric, and he could feel Jim’s slender ones clutching his blues, offering whatever protection his palms could afford. The rest of the world seemed to still as well, the heat dampening slowly and the tremoring becoming muffled. He let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding against Jim’s neck, and allowed calm to creep back up on him. He hadn’t realized his ears had been ringing until they stopped. There was plenty of noise to make up for it though.

Their captain had finally managed to push Leonard off of him (while still keeping a protective hand on him) and was yelling into his communicator. He could hear the incoming voices from everyone else’s. The screaming and yelling. The pleas for help. It didn’t take him long to understand that their location hadn’t been the only that was booby-trapped. He stumbled up, Jim coming with him. The crew around them seemed a little worse for wear, but alive. Sulu had a cut curving around his eyebrow, and the ensign he was kneeling with was cradling his arm. But they were all alive, unlike the other teams. He numbly recognized Spock calling up to Scotty next to him as he approached the ensign, feeling the arm. Definitely broken, but an easy fix. He assured the woman as such, and was reaching back to his pack for some gauze to give to their helmsman before he felt the familiar tingling sensation. The planet was coated in gold for a moment, and then they were back on the ship. Chapel was already there, waiting for them. She took ahold of the ensign, guiding her lightly to the door after sizing up everyone else. Leonard begins to usher everyone off of the pads to the medbay. He still hears Jim’s voice yelling behind him into his communicator, and it is clear by the voice he is talking to Captain Beck. His face is still hard, and Leonard _knows_ what’s about to happen, what the damn fool is about to do.

Jim kneels back down on the plate, shouting out orders to Scotty, who knows the look on his captains face too well to argue. Jim’s eyes meet with Leonard’s for a split second, and this is where he is supposed to joke.

            “Be right back doc,” he’s supposed to wink, assuring his friend of his newfangled and ridiculous plan.

            Jim just looks at him for that moment, his face hard and serious and the total embodiment of Captain James T. Kirk. And Leonard finds this to be completely fucking _unacceptable,_ but by the time he’s leaped back onto the pad, his hand outstretched, waiting to meet Jim’s (always waiting), his friend is only a gold mist. Then he’s gone. Damn Starfleet. Damn Kvatch. Damn Captain Beck and his cocky attitude. He doesn’t deserve this. Doesn’t deserve the chance Jim is taking on his life to save him. Doesn’t deserve the fear he just saw behind Jim’s face, the terror and uncertainty and frenzy.

            He doesn’t deserve the strength and compassion that Jim fucking Kirk is filled to the core with. Not one sliver of it.

            …and that is a selfish and mean thought.

He can hear Scotty saying something next to him, and he snaps back into motion. Flipping around, Leonard makes a bee line for medical. By the time he arrives, the nurses are buzzing around the room. The noise followed them back to the ship, and the team’s communicators are still buzzing. There are voices over the ships comm’s going back and forth.

_Where are they then?_

_How far down?_

_When did we lose contact?_

_How many casualties?_

He wants to stop when he hears the number, and several of the staff do. Chapel hurries them along though, looking in his direction sympathetically. He stands over the ensign, bracing her arm for the replicator. His hands aren’t shaking, he wouldn’t allow himself something as rudimentary as that. No, his hands weren’t shaking, but his mind was _trembling._ The screams weren’t stopping. He could see through the window in his peripheral; the entire planet looked like it was on fire.

Jim was down there somewhere. There were hundreds of people dying down there and _Jim_ was down there and –

The entire ship rumbled, swayed. Someone screamed by the window, a nurse. Outside, the ship next to theirs was on fire. Chunks of it were flying away rapidly, and Leonard realized he had missed the explosion. He had been up long enough to know that looking to long at something like that would reveal more than burnt metal, and he rushed over to snap the blinds closed. He looked back at his staff, his face hard. They were damn good at their jobs, and were moving around again in a heartbeat. Even when the ship rattled again, and the window lit up again. The voices over the comm were more urgent now, if that was possible. He recognized Uhura’s voice, reaching out to the ship, and Scotty’s, yelling out for Medbay.

Medbay.

He moved over to the wall console quickly, answering him. They had managed to pull some of the crew off of the other ship, just a few. They were hurt and incoming. Leonard yelled out to the nurses, told them to prepare for more patients. They didn’t even flinch.

The ship began to rumble, like an old car’s engine starting. Chapel’s eyes snapped to his from across the room. Spock’s voice filled the room, overriding all others.

“Prepare to enter warp.”

_Hell. No._

Chapel nods at him swiftly, jerks her head towards the door. He’s out it in a heartbeat, running faster than he thought he could towards the lift. A different kind of sway hits the ship, another shockwave. Uhura’s voice is clear again, calling out (unanswered) to another ship. Leonard’s hands clench by his sides, and he is spilled out onto the bridge.

It’s chaos. Everyone is yelling, and Uhura’s steely gaze catches his from her console. Sulu had snuck out of medbay and was at his station next to Chekov. They were exchanging halves of words and crazed gestures towards each other as their hands worked furiously over the screen. Leonard knew what they were doing.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing,” he snarls furiously, stalking towards Spock where he stood behind Pavel and Sulu. The Vulcan’s back tenses momentarily, and he had to have been expecting Leonard, couldn’t possibly have thought that he would just step aside and let them abandon their captain. Abandon _Jim._

“Doctor, I had assumed you would be needed in the medbay,” the bastard replies coldly.

“There is no way in hell you’re going to throw that out there  when you’re about to murder our captain,” Leonard bites back. His fists are itching at his side, and he’s about two seconds away from throwing punches.

“Our Captain has shown on numerous occasions that he is both capable of caring for himself and unwilling to let us remain in the face of danger for him.”

“He’s supposed to be your friend you _damn monster_ ,” and yep his hands are coming up. He’s going to strangle the Vulcan, ready to do it and not look back, when there is another explosion on their other side. This one is much closer than the last three, and Leonard lands hard on his side. It’s easier to see through the bridge’s window, and the damage around the Enterprise is more than frightening. Far on the other side of the planet he can see more wreckage, more ships mysteriously destroyed and people murdered.

He is unable to stop Spock from shouting out to Sulu when yet another shock wave hits them. He is able to see the slight crack in his exterior, and the pain it puts the Vulcan through to give the order.

The ship lurches in a different kind of way, and the small, burning planet disappears before them.

Jim disappears before them.

Leonard cannot breath he is so scarred and furious and he’s going to murder the cold blooded bastard he’s going to slit his damn throat his hands are already reaching into his pack for the scalpel – and the bridge pings.

The screen covering the window crackles and comes to life, a static coated face appearing before them.

“Captain Beck,” Spock greets, sounding breathless and tired.

“Spock,” the other man acknowledges, his voice warbled and distorted, “please, our ship was hit ---- warp drive failing --- many are --- need immediate medical --- must beam aboard.”

The Vulcan seems to be able to patch together the message and nods to Uhura, who turns away to call down to Scotty.

“We are ready to receive your crew Captain Beck –“

“Where is Jim,” Leonard interrupts, pushing forward to stand next to Spock, who declines to look at him.

“Your captain --- saved many” and Leonard’s breath catches in his throat like it hasn’t already been lodged there because that _isn’t what he asked_ “Beamed up with me --- aboard now --- medical attention.”

And that’s all Leonard needs to hear.

“Beam him aboard now,” he demands, and quickly turns towards the elevator, pulling out his communicator.

“Chapel,” he calls out, “Prepare to receive the crew from the Genesis in the transporter room.”

The lift moves painfully slow, and Leonard feels like he’s brimming over with everything. He’s gearing up to punch the doors when they open, and he’s gone in a heartbeat, racing down the halls. By the time he arrives, several of the crew have already been beamed aboard and into Chapel’s waiting arms. Wheelchairs litter the floor as the rest of the Enterprise crew helps to transport the newcomers to the medbay.

Scotty is working furiously over the screen, and more and more crew members appear, covered in soot and burns. Some are crying and some will not move and _can’t they all see that Jim isn’t here? Isn’t it painfully obvious that the ship is empty and useless and broken because its captain isn’t there? That Leonard, that Bones, is?_

It feels like his whole world is imploding, like his pores should be leaching blood and tears and he must be screaming. But nobody looks at him except the patients he steers away or hands bandages to. Slowly, the flow of people becomes a trickle, and eventually Scotty pauses, staring intently down at the screen like he’s looking for something that isn’t there. Over his shoulder, Leonard sees the outline of the ship, sees the scattered and ferocious heat where it is burning. He watches as the outlines changes and the metal warps.

Suddenly, Scotty sees something Leonard isn’t trained to, and his fingers spring to work again. The room is silent except for the tapping; he, Chapel, and Scotty are the only people left inside the room. Various members of the crew hover outside the door nervously.

Then, very quickly, someone is screaming and the silence is broken. Jim is standing there in front of him, propped up against Bates and another doctor, and he’s screaming. And Leonard can’t even process for a moment, has to stop and take it all in; Jim’s body, red and burned clean through. Patches litter his whole body where the muscle has been burnt apart. God, his face is covered in ash except for where the tear tracks carved through, exposing the bright red, peeling flesh beneath. Jim is sobbing and Leonard can see _inside_ of him and he _stops_. He is a doctor, he is Jim’s best friend, and he _stops_. Jim screams again (or maybe just louder because he never actually stopped), and he moves like he’ll never stop again. He jolts forward and Jim’s delirious eyes settle on him and he somehow jumps forward too. He lands in Leonard’s arms, still sobbing.

“Bones Bones Bones Bones here you’re here though you were gone _Bones_.”

Leonard can see Jim’s eyes now, the vessels broken all throughout them and the fact that they can’t settle on him, don’t stop like Jim can actually _see_ him hit his already broken heart. His hands are on Jim’s shoulders, and he’s holding Jim by his muscles and tendons like it didn’t matter that he’s never going to be able to wash this out, like it isn’t stained into his hands and his memory, like his hands aren’t loosing grip because of the blood welling up around them and he doesn’t _know what to do._

Suddenly Jim sags in his arms, his eyes rolled back in his head. Chapel stands behind him, throwing the empty hypo behind her. She grabs some of the weight from Leonard, who moves to take it all back because he doesn’t think he can let Jim go. She is firm, though, and catches his eye long enough to snap some sense into him. He moves quickly, in a burst. They get Jim onto a stretcher and out of the room. Chapel has to steer them; he can’t stop looking at Jim, looking _through_ him.

He isn’t going to be able to drink this one away.

When they arrive, Medbay is in chaos. Several patients crowded every bed. Leonard has eyes for none of them, and shoves several cargo boxes away in the corner of the room to make room. He and Chapel work in a flurry of movements, running regin over Jim’s entire body. The open wounds become less open, but Leonard knows that the skin will be far from perfect. Jim will be scarred for the rest of his life. He’s not the only one.

He blinks and Chapel is gone. Jim is connected to an I.V. and a heart monitor. Leonard isn’t sure how he can love and hate the bumpy little red line with such a passion, but the only person who can provoke such paradoxal emotions in him is Jim so he doesn’t try to understand. Instead he lets himself slide down into the chair next to the stretcher, blotting out the sound around him and just watching Jim.

He didn’t look like he was asleep. When Jim slept, he always had that an ever so slight smile on his face, and his eyelashes batted even in his sleep. But now he was just…still. His face looked scared and tired, and Leonard was reminded of the kid he met on the shuttle several years ago. He wanted to reach out and take Jim’s hand, wanted to help him or hold him or just….

            but every part of Jim was covered in bandages. Was broken. Was untouchable.

Suddenly Leonard remembered how very, very exhausted he was.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is actually pulled from a much larger fic I am writing, and in it this does not quite the pretty ending and the whole rebel thing makes more sense. I just got to this part in the planning and needed to write it out. I haven't written in a long while so I'd thought I'd get the ball rolling here. 
> 
> Also. Bones uses a lot of italics when I'm typing him. I think that's pretty right character wise though.
> 
> There will be another chapter! I just don't know how to change it in the tags so 1/1 is a lie.
> 
> I love you all and I'm sorry about this and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season!


End file.
